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Lawyer JokesLawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Just for a change...Enjoy Life.

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.  "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.  "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW."  Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree.  He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled.  "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.  A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding!  And my god, your left arm is gone!"  The lawyer,
horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW."  Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree.  He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled.  "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.  A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding!  And my god, your left arm is gone!"  The lawyer,
horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.  The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill.  That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store.  He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. "How much does it cost for engineer brain?" “Three dollars an ounce." "How much does it cost for programmer brain?" "Four dollars an ounce."  "How much for lawyer brain?" "$1,000 an ounce."  "Why is lawyer brain so much more?"  "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake.  The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.  The gang was very happy to escape.  "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."  The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!"



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