Lawyer Jokes
Just for a change...Enjoy Life.
A new client had
just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you
tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200
to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit
steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer,
"And what's your third question?"
A lawyer was
driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to
himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW."
Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed
into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his
car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir,
sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm
is gone!" The lawyer,
horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the
highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I
love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his
driving, he smashed into a tree. He
miraculously survived, but his car was totaled.
"My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan
drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're
bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"
The lawyer,
horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail
party when the doctor was approached by a man
who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.
The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then
turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you
handle the situation when you are asked for
advice during a social function?" "Just send a
bill for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the
next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery
and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill.
That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the
lawyer.
A man went to a
brain store to get some brain to complete a
study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality
of professional brain offered at this particular
brain store. He begins to question the butcher
about the cost of these brains. "How much does
it cost for engineer brain?" “Three dollars an
ounce." "How much does it cost for programmer
brain?" "Four dollars an ounce." "How much for
lawyer brain?" "$1,000 an ounce." "Why is
lawyer brain so much more?" "Do you know how
many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of
brain?"
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by
mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight
for their life and their money. The gang was
very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one
crook noted. "We got $25 between us." The boss
screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers
-- we had $100 when we broke in!"
