The Do's and Don'ts of
Divorce
By: Maury D.
Beaulier
A Parent's Guide To Children and Divorce
DON'T
lie to your children with stories like "Dad
is visiting relatives". Children know if you
are trying to hide something, even if the
purpose is honorable.
DO
talk to your children. Give them simple and
straight-forward answers without vilifying
or
blaming the other parent.
DON'T
put your children in the middle. That means
don't ask them where they want to live or
who they want to live with.
DO
explain to your children that the divorce is
not their fault. This message is best given
by both parents together. Children naturally
assume they are responsible for the divorce.
DON'T
use children to relay messages to the other
spouse, even messages related to visitation.
Children need two parents even if the
parents don't see eye to eye or have
different philosophies of child rearing.
Placing children in the middle tears those
relationships causing children to withdraw
or become depressed.
DO
seek counseling for your children if they
are having a difficult time adjusting.
Counseling is most effective when both
parents are supportive and individually
involved.
DON'T
interrogate your children when they return
from visitation with the other parent.
Questions like "what did he feed you" or
"who is mommy seeing" pressures children to
take sides. This pressure may result in
depression, anger, falling grades, and
disobedience.
DO
listen to your children as they express
concerns over the divorce.
DON'T
make visitation or custody arrangements
directly with the children without first
consulting the other parent. If there are
conflicting plans, this places the other
parent in the role of the "bad guy", having
to say "no" to a child's expectations.
DO
be flexible in your parenting schedule.
Schedules serve a purpose, but when they are
used as rigid structures to control access
time with children, they serve as a flash
point for conflict. When that happens,
children blame themselves for the parental
dispute.
About the Author
Information provided by:
Maury D. Beaulier, Esq. located at
http://www.divorceprofessionals.com/
Copyright (c) By Maury D. Beaulier. All
Rights Reserved
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